by Steph Robbins, Contributing Writer
There have been several times of overwhelming circumstance in my life. Occasions were my hurting heart could not find words to pray.
Have you shared similar situations?
I remember the time when my 6-month-old son was hospitalized for an illness the doctors could not identify. First, they believed Meningitis. They ruled that out after putting my whimpering baby through a spinal tap.
The doctors finally diagnosed my son with Kawasaki’s disease. I had no clue what that meant other than a brand of motorbikes! The doctor explained Kawasaki’s is an infection that attacks the heart. It was not contagious but would cause severe damage if not treated within a short time frame. We had already passed that deadline. With each passing day left untreated, the infection ravaged my son’s tiny heart.
The doctor’s suggested treatment?
High doses of Intravenous gamma globulin, a blood by-product. The doctor could not guarantee that the GG they would inject into my tiny son would not be tainted with HIV.
I had been in Emergency for three days.
Lots of interaction with several doctors and nurses.
My tired brain was trying to choose – damaged heart or expose my infant son to HIV?
One dose of GG is what they told me it would take. Within 24 hours, I would see a change in my son they said smiling. I agreed to the treatment. My heart filled with such hope!
After the 24 hours, my son remained the same. My hope lay in pieces.
The doctor’s next suggestion?
A second dosage.
The doctor explained they did not know enough about Kawasaki’ to predict the outcome. Thus, I had to expose my son once again to HIV or let his heart continue to be attacked by this relentless infection.
I had no choice. The nurses administered the second bag of GG beginning a vigil forever etched in my memory.
My heart found no words to pray. Lying curled up, with my hand on my son’s cradle, I sang through the night.
My heart recalled a chorus from a song from my days in Sunday school. I sang it over and over again…
“Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves. Yes, Jesus loves me.
For the Bible tells me so.”
A chorus became my prayer.
My heart’s cry.
My fingers were reaching out to grab the hem of Jesus’s garment.
In the early hours of the morning, I drifted off to sleep. I began to wake up a few hours later. My brain, through a mist, tried to figure out the unfamiliar sound.
Was that someone moving?
Opening my eyes, I saw my boy, pushed up on his hands, with his head held up high, smiling at me.
The tears burst forth yet again. This time, with joy!
Our journey has been a long one. This spring, the doctors gave my 16-year-old son, a clean bill of health with a caution to be mindful of his history.
My friend, are you in a storm?
Do you feel too broken, too overwhelmed to pray?
Words are unnecessary.
Your Abba hears your heart.
***Share with us a time when God answered your wordless prayer(s)***
Stephanie Robbins is a well known motivational Bible teacher, writer, and speaker. She is the founder and President of Steph Robbins Ministries, Canada and the newly launched LeadHer Ministries, a ministry whose focus is to Emerge, Empower, and Excel Christian women in leadership.
Previously, Steph birthed and led a weekly non-denominational women’s ministry for 10 years, called Living Free and a teen girl conference for 6 years. Steph also sits on several non-profit boards, her local church Leadership Team and is currently working on her MDIV.
She is an avid blogger and writes for RSVP Ministries and Real Women Ministries.