IMG_1394I had planned to keep silent about this.  I didn’t want to be just another blogger lost in the void of cyberspace trying to talk about the appropriateness vs. the inappropriateness of the release of “50 Shades of Grey”.

There are endless opinions and blog posts addressing this topic.  From those who are trying to ‘redeem’ the content by placing it inside the confines of marriage to those who are advocating against violence and exploitation against women.  And, quite honestly, those articles are much better written than anything I could ever hope to write. 

I understand people want to take what is culturally relevant, put a Biblical twist to it and apply it to the ever-growing conversation of Christian marriages in conflict.

Every marriage, including mine, has endured good and bad.  And we should always be actively seeking ways to love each other better, bigger and deeper. 

Instead of seeking to bring more of the world into our bedroom, we should be bringing more Jesus into our marriage.Tweet: Bring less of the world into our bedroom & bring more Jesus into our marriage #LoveGivesLustTakes @StephanieKAdams 

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19 Tweet: Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19 #LoveGivesLustTakes via @StephanieKAdams

Jesus is the perfect example of how to love.  He humbled Himself and served those He loved.

[Jesus] rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:4-5; 

He never took to fulfill Himself, rather He sacrificed Himself for His bride.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25

LoveGives  LustTakes

While I won’t continue in the unending controversy surrounding Mr. Grey and his ‘extra-curricular’ activities, I will tell you what it is like to be married to a man that loves with all his heart.  He gives and doesn’t take.

He protects — never once in 27 years has he raised a hand to me.  He has never threatened me with harm, of any kind. He makes sure our home and cars are safe for his precious cargo.

He provides — he has worked long, hard hours at jobs where he was overworked and underpaid. He makes sure there is food on the table, lights and heat are always on and no one goes without their needs…or their wants.

He serves — my husband has loved me through the worse times of my life.  Physically carrying me when I didn’t have the strength to raise my head after a particularly bad chemo treatment.  He has folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen, washed dishes and made sure the coffee is stocked and ready to go early each morning. (And, if you know me, having my coffee ready is the only thing I ever really need)

He honors — he does not speak unkind about me to others.  He praises my efforts in raising our kids and running the household.

He laughs — he makes sure that I never get too serious.  He reminds me to lighten up and have a good time; to lay aside the worries and enjoy time together.

He prays — he covers our marriage and our kids in prayer every day.  His heart aches for what hurts us and longs for us to see the fulfillment of our dreams.

He loves — he leaves me each morning and greets me each evening with a kiss.  That is over 16,060 kisses not including leap years and all the other kisses in-between! 

The list is endless; yet it can all be summed up — he gives.

Don’t let yourself be drawn into a quick-fix, everybody-is-doing-it fairy tale targeting unhappy women in the name of harmless entertainment with the goal of making a few million dollars. 

I encourage you to walk away from the bondage of Mr. Christian Grey and relax in the freedom of Mr. Christian Husband.Tweet: Walk away from the bondage of Mr Christian Grey & relax in the freedom of Mr Christian Husband #LoveGivesLustTakes


Related Articles:

These writers have done a fantastic job writing about ’50 Shades of Grey’ and I know they would love to have you as a reader. **If you have a blog post you would like to add to this list, please contact me and let me know**

My personal favorite:

Becky Thompson at Scissortail Silk — Christian Women and Christian Grey

Amy Sorrells has a great post and also lists several organizations that support women survivors of domestic/sexual abuse and sexually deviant behaviors — Five Ways to Honor Survivors (plus a book giveaway)

Marshall Segal at Desiring God — Fifty Shades of Nay: Sin Is A Needle Not A Toy

Gail Dines, Huffington Post: **Graphic wording** — Fifty Shades of Grey…First Prize for False Advertising

Share this:

Written by Stephanie K. Adams


pg morris

Stephanie, this article reminds me in part of the more awkward part of my pre-marital counseling sessions… when i speak of the application of 1 Corinthians 7 to sex and marriage. it is a most un-romantic series of notions, starting with the idea that if you are one of those individuals graced to be (essentially) asexual, you are better off because you are free from the distraction and temptations of lust to serve and love the Lord and others more purely. It pretty much goes down hill from there if you are coming at it from a urges=love point of view. Thank you for this thoughtful piece… much there for me to mull over. Yours in Christ, pg


Thank you for your sharing your insight with me. I always appreciate the musing of my beloved Pgary!


I love the scritpure references to how men are to treat women. Usually in our society, we only hear the scripture that tells women to be submissive. But there’s always a scripture either before or after that tells the man to love, cherish, honor the woman. Why do we not get this nowadays? This book and movie really makes me mad because it’s basically telling the world that it’s socially ok to treat a woman badly. Romans 12:2 says, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.


I just love the wording of Colossians 3:19. You could do many weeks of Bible study just on this one verse.

I, too, feel like the scripture of wives being submissive gets used out of context. And I’m definitely sure God didn’t mean it in the context of this movie. I struggled with submission in my young married life. I wasn’t sure where the balance was. I can tell you when the husband AND the wife get aligned correctly, the blessings and anointing flow down through them and into their family. My husband has always had an ear to listen to my thoughts, ideas and concerns. He weighs them, we discuss them and we make decisions together. He doesn’t want another employee to manage; he wants a partner to share with.

Thank you for your thoughts, Mary. I appreciate it.


There is so much wisdom and truth in your words, Stephanie! Thank you for sharing, even if you had originally thought against speaking on the topic. Your thoughts needed to be spoken and heard. I especially loved this: “Instead of seeking to bring more of the world into our bedroom, we should be bringing more Jesus into our marriage.” Amen! You are right in saying Love Gives; Lust Takes. Perfect title for a great post!

Stephanie K. Adams

Thank you, Tina. I appreciate the encouragement. It is not easy to talk about ‘touchy’ subjects. But, isn’t that what we are here to do? Help each other figure it all out? Thanks again for stopping by my blog.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *